She was mine.
A little thing that was scared of the world
Scared of even a shadow on the wall
Too small to reach her bowl
But too dumb not to try
She was mine.
She was skittish
and frightened of touch
but the baths soothed her
and the towel comforted her
She knew it was to help
but was still scared when it was time for it all over again
I wasn’t angry at her for kicking or whining
She was mine.
Zoe was a small thing, that was scared of the world. When we got her, she was already nearly 3 years old but still too small to reach her bowl. But she sure did try. She was scared to be picked up or touched, but when she felt herself getting help she calmed down and let me do what I needed to. Still, she was scared when it was time to do it all over again. I never got angry at her for being frightened, for kicking or whining when I had to take her out. I could never have been angry at her for it.
She loved kale
but she couldn’t have a lot of it
it would make her sick
But she would devour it whenever we put it in with her
She loved hay
She’d bury herself in it
and eat her entire supply in one night
I gave her bottled water and she knew she was special for that
because she’d take her time drinking
but it would be all gone by morning
We’d give Zoe kale from the garden, and she’d devour it within minutes. But it would make her sick, so she could only have it occasionally. She’d eat her entire supply of hay within the night, after throwing it everywhere trying to bury herself within it. I gave her bottled water with electrolytes and she loved it, always going to drink as soon as I poured it into her bowl. It would be gone by morning.
So we knew something was wrong
When her hay stayed in a pile
when her water was still full
When on her last night,
she didn’t touch her kale
She was sick
We knew
but to the extent
we didn’t
Her last night was uncomfortable for her, it was when I decided her time with us was over. We gave her her last bath. Gave her hay and kale. That morning cemented it. When she hadn’t touched her food even a bit and she was bundled in her corner. Her eyes shut and her breathing labored.
You were mine
And I had to make that choice
It was hard.
And I cried the whole time.
We buried you out behind the shed
with the company of those who went before you.
I’m not angry at you Zoe
You were in pain
and I know you were tired
I don’t regret giving you a home
but do I regret loving you as much as I did?
because even still
it hurts when I think of you.
Still I wouldn’t change our time together for the world.
You were loved more than you could know
You were mine.